What about a "Jokes" thread? - I will start.

Joined
Apr 16, 2017
Messages
309
Location
Winnipeg, Manitoba
lock down
Just be careful because people are going crazy from being in lock down!
Actually I've just been talking about this with the microwave and toaster while drinking coffee and we all agreed that things are getting bad.
I didn't mention anything to the washing machine as she puts a different spin on everything.
Certainly not to the fridge as he is acting cold and distant.
In the end the iron straightened me out as she said everything will be fine, no situation is too pressing.
The vacuum was very unsympathetic... told me to just suck it up, but the fan was more optimistic and hoped it would all soon blow over!
The toilet looked a bit flushed when I asked its opinion and didn’t say anything but the door knob told me to get a grip.
The front door said I was unhinged and so the curtains told me to ........yes, you guessed it .....pull myself together
 
Joined
Apr 16, 2017
Messages
309
Location
Winnipeg, Manitoba
Me - Apparently farmers are now using spaceships to harvest their crops from space - you - How? - Me - They are using tractor beams!
 
Joined
Sep 12, 2012
Messages
2,880
Location
Apple Valley, California, USA
Got bored surfing and stumbled upon some light-hearted material.
Here are just three I chuckled at.


What's the difference between LIGHT and HARD? You can sleep with a light on.

How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? um,
I don't know. I just wonder how they got in there in the first place.

20 heads are in the pool. 24 heads come out. How is that possible? (20 FOURHEADS)
 
Joined
Sep 12, 2012
Messages
2,880
Location
Apple Valley, California, USA
lock down
Just be careful because people are going crazy from being in lock down!
Actually I've just been talking about this with the microwave and toaster while drinking coffee and we all agreed that things are getting bad.
I didn't mention anything to the washing machine as she puts a different spin on everything.
Certainly not to the fridge as he is acting cold and distant.
In the end the iron straightened me out as she said everything will be fine, no situation is too pressing.
The vacuum was very unsympathetic... told me to just suck it up, but the fan was more optimistic and hoped it would all soon blow over!
The toilet looked a bit flushed when I asked its opinion and didn’t say anything but the door knob told me to get a grip.
The front door said I was unhinged and so the curtains told me to ........yes, you guessed it .....pull myself together
Very clever Hugh
 
Joined
Feb 7, 2008
Messages
2,817
Location
Nottinghamshire England
A priest, an alcoholic, and an AZ member are sentenced to death. They are to be killed by the guillotine.

First is the priest. The executioner says "You can go on the guillotine either face up or face down". The priest says "I want to die face up, looking up to the heavens". So the priest lies face up. The executioner releases the blade; the blade falls rapidly but suddenly stops just 1 inch from the priest's neck. Given the miracle, the priest is allowed to walk free.

Next comes the alcoholic. The executioner offers him the same choice, "Do you want to lie facing up or facing down?". The alcoholic says "I want to face up... to remember my glorious drinking days". So the alcoholic lies face up. The executioner releases the blade, and again, it suddenly stops just 1 inch from the man's neck. Given the miracle, the alcoholic is allowed to walk free.

Finally, it's the AZ members turn. Once again, the executioner offers him the same choice, "Face up or face down?". The AZ member scratches his head and says "face up I guess". So the AZ member lies face up.
Just as the executioner is about to release the blade, the AZ member starts shouting. "WAIT WAIT!! .... I found the problem!"

Just remember fixing things is not always the answer !
 
Joined
Feb 7, 2008
Messages
2,817
Location
Nottinghamshire England


Caption anyone ?
 
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