A newlywed couple wanted to invited their friends over for a steak & mushroom dinner. The wife had all the ingredients except the mushrooms. The husband said, "There are plenty of mushrooms growing in the backyard."
"Are you sure?" said the wife. "They could be poisonous?"
The husband replied, "I will give one to the dog and if he is okay, then we can use them."
Sure enough, the dog was given a mushroom and seemed okay, so they used the backyard mushrooms and served steak & mushrooms to their guests. During the dinner, the phone rang and it was their next door neighbor. The wife answered the phone. "I am sorry to bother you dear but your dog is dead."
Frantic, the wife dropped the phone and the couple called 911 and had all their guests sent to the hospital to have their stomachs pumped. When she got home, the wife called her neighbor to thank her. "No problem dear, but that car that hit him never stopped!"
2 nice little viagra jokes for you -1) a 90+ yr old walks into a pharmacy & asks for viagra: the pharmacist politely asks why on Earth a man of his age would need viagra: the 90-yr-old man replies, 'It's to stop me pissin' on me foot!" 2) Another very elderly man asks the pharmacist to tell him exactly what viagra does?: the pharmacist tells him, the elderly man replies "Can I get it across the counter?", the pharmacist says "Well probably yes, if you took enough of it!"